Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
too bad you live with your parents still
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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