i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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