She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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