Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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