I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
