Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
