went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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