If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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