i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
