What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
