Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My vagina just recognized that song.
So many bounce houses so little time
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
