They should really pass out barf bags in church
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
