Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
