So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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