apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
