and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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