I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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