omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
