i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
