Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
