"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
