I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
