I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
