So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
