I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she looked like the before picture.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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