In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
