Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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