What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
