Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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