The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
