She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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