I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
