i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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