think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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