You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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