After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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