Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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