I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
