So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
