yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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