We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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