in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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