he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
