Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
