So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
These tits shall not be calmed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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