If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
