What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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