You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
