I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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