I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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