happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
