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I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
