saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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