so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
