are you so shy because you have an std?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
